


Eraser

by orphan_account



Series: The Color Before the Sun [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Relationship, jughead thinks his feelings are unrequited, jugheads mom blames him for the family falling apart, set in 1x02 mainly, this deal with the grundy thing as well, warning for use of a homophobic slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 02:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10889742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A look at Jughead through 1x02 and 1x03. Based on the song Eraser by Coheed and Cambria."Turn the clocks back to the way things were, I never wanted to be this me, erase eraser."





	Eraser

**Author's Note:**

> I'm playing with using other songs from this album for more stuff. I feel like the whole thing goes really well, particularly with Archie and Jughead.

_ I’m just a toy waiting for you to play me, I wanna make, just make you happy. _

 

Two sentences. That’s all he got out before he was interrupted by the approaching Reggie Mantle, with his cronies. The rich kids from  _ The Goonies _ . Jughead didn’t know why he found himself at Archie’s locker that Monday morning, but he felt pulled to it. Because that’s what you do when you’ve lost your best friend. Appear at their locker to make a joke about a fucking dead kid and wipe it away with “Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.” He didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to hear Archie’s voice again, to hear his laugh. But just like everything else, he’d fucked that up. Maybe he understood now why Archie had ditched him. Maybe he questioned how anyone put up with him. 

 

_ There’s no future I see with you in it, I just don’t fit, not the right plastic. _

 

It was natural to drift apart. Maybe it was better that way. It hurt like hell, but Jughead knew Archie would never- could never- give him what he wanted. It was weird enough that they’d ever been friends- the sarcastic loner and the football playing, guitar strumming, sunny boy next door. Somewhere along the way, Jughead had fallen for his friend, become consumed in the light that was Archie Andrews. But Archie was out of reach. Archie would never return those feelings, Archie wouldn’t be friends with him at all if he knew. This way, Jughead had a say. Archie might have stood him up, but Jughead allowed what they’d had to crumble. Better to hurt yourself, better to rip off the bandaid before someone else comes along to make it ache more. 

 

_ Oh, I’m not mad. Lean on me man.  _

 

The music blasted through his ears, numbing him to the pain, when he saw it. He saw them. He curled into himself in the drive-in booth that night, and for the first time since this rift had begun, he cried. The pieces had connected. This was why Archie had never showed for their trip. It was  _ her.  _

That’s when he found himself on Archie’s porch. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten there, his feet had just carried him. He was mad- not at Archie, at Grundy. This was her fault. All of it. He heard Archie call to him, ask why he was there. He didn’t know what he expected, Archie to break, to tell him what had happened. But now, he was close to Archie, there shoulders almost touching as Jughead attempted to storm past him, to get out before the tears began to fall. “I used to know this kid, Archie Andrews. He wasn’t perfect, but he always tried to do the right thing.” Jughead pushes past, knocking shoulders with his former friend as he walked into the night. 

 

_ How many times I gotta listen to your mouth go? How many times, How many times, How many times? _

 

Jughead’s fist connected with the wall of the projection booth. Again. And again. Until blood ran down his knuckles. Grundy had taken Archie from him, but Archie had let her. Jughead slid down the wall, face in his hands. What did he have left anymore? Who did he have left anymore?

 

_ Turn the clocks back to the way things were, I never wanted to be this me, erase eraser.  _

 

The guilt set in. The blood on his hand was a reminder of who he was, of what he was. He’d become so caught up in himself that he’d blamed Archie- Archie, who was being manipulated by a grown woman. Archie, who he knew would never hurt anyone- not intentionally. The Archie he knew wasn’t gone, couldn’t be gone. He was warped by  _ her.  _ And Jughead had just walked away. He should have stayed, should have told Fred. He was right there. But the idea of Archie hating him for it kept him from doing it. What kind of friend was he? Instead of protecting his friend, he fled. He blamed himself. If he didn’t have these fucking feelings, if he wasn’t so transparent, maybe Archie wouldn’t have been drawn into her trap. Maybe he wouldn’t have turned to her. Maybe his mom had been right. Her last words before she left with Jellybean rang through his ears. “Fucking good for nothing faggot. It’s all your fault. It’s all your fault.”

 

_ Show me back then, the kid before the man. I don’t think this me is who I am. I never wanted to be this, just just erase this. I never wanted to be this, just just erase me.  _

  
He acted like nothing had happened at school the next day. Brushed Archie off, took up Betty’s offer to write for the newspaper, acted like his hand was wrapped because he smashed it getting a film reel out of the basement of the projector booth. If he threw himself into work, into the murder case, into other people’s problems, maybe his own wouldn’t hurt so much. But he couldn’t resist showing up to the football game that night. Hiding in his own perceived invisibility, he stood leaned against the rail at the side of the bleachers. He knew it was a mistake when he looked up to see Archie in front of him. He heard the words leave his mouth: “Over many days, and many burgers.” He had no control. “We’re not gonna hug in front of this whole town.” Because he couldn’t hug Archie, not without wanting it to be more, not without the hurt setting in. Without the feelings he kept buried seeping out. 


End file.
